Sarah Palin’s Publisher unhappy with her Disturbingly Graphic and Vulgar Memoir

SPOILER ALERT!!! SARAH DOESN’T DIE AT THE END

The st

HarpersCollins released this preview pic of Palin's new book.

Ex-Alaskan Governor turned writer Sarah Palin ends her visceral debut book, Going Rogue: An American Life, with a stern warning that the shocking revelations about her life are all real, and believing otherwise “would be a very bad idea.”

“Ridiculous” might be more apt, particularly in reference to a key scene where supposedly her husband savagely ripped out his own fibula and used it as a weapon to ward off an angry bear from attacking the Palin family in 1994. In fact, “ridiculous” could describe the whole book as it moves from one preposterous event to the next. Take for example, the highly suspicious circumstances in which Palin says her son was conceived-  Sarah and Todd were somehow trapped in an overpopulated polar bear tank and decided that the best way to distract the hungry white beasts while they await rescue was by having sex. Because according to Palin “My daddy always told me, it’s hard to remember you’re hungry when you’re watching two people go at it.”

Palin hopes her new book will do better than her first book writing effort.

Palin hopes her new book will do better than her first book "Juneteenth- adding pizazz to your boring old swastikas."

It’s a testament to the book’s amazing pop-up graphics and Palin’s pulsing narrative that her tale about a barely literate soccer-mom turned politician (with a penchant for shooting wolves from helicopters) is actually really entertaining. So entertaining in fact, that the book’s complete abandonment of logic and common sense are worth overlooking. What you get in return is vulgar, violent, giddy fun.

To satisfy the demands of the illiterate majority of Palin's fans- the book will also be released on cassette, with narration provided by long time Republican supporter Bobcat Goldwaith.

For Palin's illiterate fans: the book will also be available on cassette narrated by long time Republican supporter Bobcat Goldthwait.

However, HarperCollins, her publisher did not seem too impressed with the book upon first read and gave Palin an ultimatum- rewrite it or it won’t get printed.

The Publisher issued this press release in support of their ultimatum decision: “This is not a book for the squeamish or the weak of stomach: The you-are-there quality can be a bit much to take when, for example, the pop-up scene in which Palin tries to teach some pesky trespassing wolves a lesson. The gruesome scene details how Palin captured and tortured a wolf by destroying one of its eyeballs with a blowtorch in front of her cheering young children. Palin released the pirate wolf back into the wild after hours of torturing to send ‘them other wolves a message.’ Not only are the stories in the book vividly graphic and disturbingly gruesome but they’re all probably made up too. There are certain rules for writing an autobiography, and making up stories about your life breaks just about all of them.”

HarperCollins also stated it did not approve of Palin’s choice of wording for the book’s title, specifically the inclusion of the word rogue in the title. According to Merriam-Webster rogue is defined as:

1 : vagrant, tramp
2 : a dishonest or worthless person : scoundrel
3 : a mischievous person : scamp
4 : a horse inclined to shirk or misbehave
5 : an individual exhibiting a chance and usually inferior biological variation

Sarah Palin was unavailable for comment on HarperCollins press release. Sources close to Palin says she is undeterred by the negative criticism of the book, and is very proud of the fact that she overcame her inability to read above a third grade level to write this book.

Here are some more previews of Palin’s book:

Palin devotes an entire chapter to her unhealthy fear of fictitional government run death panels.

Palin devotes an entire chapter to her unhealthy fear of fictitional government run death panels.

The last fifty pages of Palin's memoir are in the form of a coloring book.

Get out your crayons!! Because the last fifty pages of Palin's memoir are coloring book style.

In related news:

Sarah Palin to offer escort services as fund raising activity

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6 Responses to Sarah Palin’s Publisher unhappy with her Disturbingly Graphic and Vulgar Memoir

  1. PalinPal says:

    If Palin’s book is so terrible why is it a bestseller already?

    • LooseGoose says:

      It’s a bestseller because the majority of her fans will buy anything that Palin puts her name on. If Palin came out tomorrow and confessed to writing a crappy book they’d still buy it.

  2. SeriousGOP says:

    I emailed Palin a link to this article and I can’t wait till she sues you for ruining her book sales.

    • joah says:

      i thought the GOP was against frivolous lawsuits, instead you display your lack of a sense of humor as if that were a good thing .

  3. FakeGOP says:

    What has Palin done other than fail? Well, let’s look at her record- she…
    – lost the election for McCain
    – quit as Governor of Alaska

  4. Palin pal, the reason people are buying it is the same reason people like to watch when a train crashes.

    Serious GOP, Sarah and Van Flea her attorney have threatened several bloggers in Alaska. That is about all that happens is threats. This is comedy and she can’t sue for that. Everyone knows that, except the uneducated Palin followers.

    This is hillarious. I am posting it to facebook where a bunch of Alaskans will see it.

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