Rush to buy NFL team, fulfill dream of ‘owning a bunch of black guys’

Rush Limbaugh’s plans to rename team ‘St. Louis Monkeys’ comes under fire from NFL for being overtly racist

What Edward Jones Dome Scoreboard will probably look like if Rush Limbaugh purchases St. Louis Rams.

What Edward Jones Dome Scoreboard will probably look like if Rush Limbaugh purchases St. Louis Rams. His hatred of SJax borders on insanity, especially considering he's the Rams best player.

ST. LOUIS, MO  -  Radio host Rush Limbaugh has never liked the idea of African American NFL quarterbacks, but until now he’s only been able to make racist comments about the topic. However, it might only be a matter of time before he can actually do something about it. Rush is rumored to be part of an ownership group that is hoping to buy an NFL team, and fortunately for Donovan McNabb- it’s the St. Louis Rams.

Sources close to Rush say that owning all or part of an NFL team would fulfill his dream of “following in my great, great grand-daddy Scooter’s footsteps.” Rush’s great, great grand-father Scoot Limbaugh was a wealthy cotton grower and slave owner. Scoot’s wife Anne, who he reportedly married at the tender age of twelve, died giving birth to Scoot’s only son, Rush’s great grand-father – Haste Limbaugh.

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Scoot Limbaugh, wife Anne, unknown girl sans eyes, and slave housekeeper Pearl Shay.

Rush has not made his love of slavery a secret and has been quoted as saying: “I mean, let’s face it, we didn’t have slavery in this country for over 100 years because it was a bad thing. Quite the opposite: slavery built the South… I’m just saying it had its merits.” Rush has also made numerous racist comments on the predominance of African American players in the NFL including saying: “[it] all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons.

It should come as little surprise that the NFL Players Union has publicly opposed Rush’s plans to buy the Rams. Which prompted Limbaugh to issue this reply: “Who cares if the players don’t like the idea. Because guess who owns all of the teams? Rich white guys- That’s who! And guess who happens to be a rich white guy? Me! So there you have it.”  Read more of this post

Rush Limbaugh cautions Jay-Z: Obama is after your penis

Rush tips off nation to Obama’s penis plans, and oh yeah…future vision of Minotaurs ravaging your grandma

Rush describing his penis when it first went missing in 1997.

Rush describing his penis when it first went missing in 1997.

After weeks of silence, Rush Limbaugh finally responded to rapper Jay-Z’s demands that he “get off my balls.”  Despite the clamoring of his  loyal fans for a response,Rush chose not to act hastily and prematurely deny the Jigga-man’s allegations.  Instead, the conservative-dick turned dick-conservationist had three of his interns circumnavigate his entire body over the course of ten days just to make sure that none of his abundant body fat was actually resting on Jay-Z’s testicles somewhere. All of the interns confirmed that none of Rush was on Jay-Z’s balls, however when Rush did respond, he didn’t fire back like most thought he would. Instead, Limbaugh had this to say:

After much investigation, I can assure all of you that I was not on anyone’s balls, but if I am somehow mistaken… I did not know I was on anybody’s balls.  I’m happy to know that they think I am though. But I didn’t – I didn’t actually know that I was.

It wasn’t enough to thoroughly address the rapper’s balls, he wanted more… Rush felt compelled to pay some lip service to Jay-Z’s penis:

I would remind the rapper Jay-Z, Mr. Z, and all Americans with penises, it is President Obama that wants to mandate circumcision. We had that yesterday, and that means if anybody – if we need to save our penises from anybody, it’s Obama…..

Before Limbaugh could finish his prophetic statement he was overcome with

Limbaugh describing his missing penis at a RNC event earlier this year.

What tall tales Rush tells, seen here describing his missing penis at a RNC event earlier this year.

emotion and the show abruptly cut to commercial. When the show returned from commercial, Rush mysteriously launched right into discussing the “meaning” of a newly added clause in the health care plan. The new clause, Rush claimed, would force all grandmothers into choosing death or  live out their lives in indentured slutitude, where they’d work all day, servicing the likes of leprechauns, minotaurs, androids, and other half breed beasts. Read more of this post

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