Obama declares Biden Motorcade a threat to national security

Obama: VP’s accidents have saved or created 29 jobs in the medical and auto-body repair industry

Why does Biden's motorcade have a deep seated hatred of pedestrians?

Biden's motorcade en-route to a fund raiser in Albuquerque.

NEW YORK CITY, NY  –  Earlier today, President Obama finally responded to the public outcry of concerned citizens everywhere by officially declaring that VP Biden’s motorcade poses a threat to national security. So does any other vehicle, motorcycle, or Rascal Scooter even remotely associated with Biden. President Obama stated that all of Biden’s upcoming engagements for the next eight days have been canceled or rescheduled, and that the VP will be prohibited from using any official motorcades until further notice.

The media was expecting an official statement from Biden himself on the rumors, but he was noticeably absent from the impromptu press conference. But, Obama reassured Americans that, “the carnage Biden’s motorcade has left in its wake is very unfortunate. And I want to take this opportunity to make it very clear that the United States government is not in the business of injuring or killing its citizens by having Biden’s motorcade crash into them and their cars.” The President then added, “I always try to look at the brighter side of things, and according to initial figures, it looks like 29 jobs were saved or created because of Biden’s accidents. We are projecting that when its all said and done with, Biden’s accidents will have saved or created a total of 104 jobs. Granted, most of those jobs will be in the medical and auto-body repair industries, but they are jobs nonetheless.”

Biden's chauffeur doesn't believe in stopping for pedestrians.

The President’s declaration follows news that for the fourth time in eight days, vehicles associated with Biden have been involved in an injury-causing accident. One of the more publicized of Biden’s crashes occured on Tuesday evening. when an unmarked police car helping to escort the VP to a taping of The Daily Show in Manhattan, collided with a delivery cab.

That came on the heels of Biden-caused accident #2 in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where the VP was in town as the keynote speaker at a $1000/plate fundraiser dinner for local politicians. In that accident, a sheriff’s vehicle traveling in Biden’s motorcade collided with another vehicle. Luckily, this accident caused the least amount of damage as only one police officer was injured. Read more of this post

FoxNews blasts Obama for wearing suit to plant tree

FoxNews claiming Obama’s newly planted tree will lead to communism

foxnews-after-4001

Headline on FoxNews.com yesterday: "Timebomb Tree"

WASHINGTON D.C.  –  Last week President Obama planted a tree in the White House North Lawn. The tree planting ceremony lasted all of five minutes and was sparsely covered, if at all, by the mainstream media. In fact, there was no more than ten reporters in attendance.

Yet the same ceremony that barely registered not even so much as a blip on other news casts, has been exhaustively covered for five consecutive days by the only network brave and honest enough to report the truth-  FoxNews.  Much of FoxNews’ coverage has focused on claims that the  tree would lead to the spread of communism, and on questions surrounding Obama’s choice of wardrobe and gardening tools.

Glenn Beck tree

T.R.E.E. = The Reality is Everything Ending

Last Thursday FoxNews’ Glenn Beck devoted his entire program to showing viewers just how the tree would lead to communism. Beck warned- “America, you need to wake up and realize whats going on here, its no coincidence the type of tree Obama planted is the same as the one Stalin planted during his first year as leader of the Soviet Union.” Beck added, “it really began to come together for me when I noticed the President was really concerned with how evenly the soil was distributed. Its like I’ve been telling you all along- you have to read between the lines!”

slide_3405_48220_large

FoxNews claims Obama's shovels refused to grant them an interview.

Beck later went on to draw the tree on his famous chalkboard and labeled each of the tree’s roots as socialism, government intervention, acorn producing, and big spending bills. He scribbled Obama’s name on the trunk of the tree and claimed the planting of the tree signaled the “end of democracy as we know it. Democracy in this country has come full circle, it started with a President who chopped down a tree – and ends with one who planted a tree.” Beck even brought out his signature red phone and said, “notice how Anita Dunn and the rest of them over at the White House haven’t called me yet.” An emotional Beck closed out the show by noting, “Obama isn’t like you and me, just look at him… maybe I’m the crazy one, but do you know anyone who uses a gold plated shovel or wears a suit to plant a tree?” Read more of this post

Joe Biden really proud of Obama’s much improved penmanship

However, Obama still has room for improvement, says Biden- especially with his uppercase “W” and his lowercase “t” and “f”

THE BEGINNINGS  Jan.21- An unimpressed Biden looks on as Obama struggles to break the habit of writing in "chicken scratch."

(THE ROUGH BEGINNINGS) Jan.21- A disgusted Biden looks on as Obama writes his "chicken scratch."

WASHINGTON, D.C. –   When it comes to the topic of handwriting, Joe Biden calls himself “old-school” for believing good penmanship is the mark of a courteous writer who truly values his readers. Biden first took notice of Obama’s sloppy writing a few years ago while the two were still U.S. Senators. Yet, it wasn’t until late 2008, when Biden read an illegible hand-written memo from Obama that left the VP dumbfounded as to what was written, that he decided to take action.

In an effort to keep the matter internal, Biden approached Obama in private and offered to give him secret handwriting lessons. Much to Biden’s surprise, the President enthusiastically accepted Biden’s offer and the two met on a bi-weekly basis for secret handwriting lessons in the Oval Office until mid-September.

(FROM BABY STEPS TO BREAKTHROUGHS) May 27- Biden notices a marked improvement in Obama's writing.

(FROM BABY STEPS TO BREAKTHROUGHS) May 27- Biden notices improvements in Obama's writing.

Sources close to the VP say the process of transforming the President’s writing has been a monumental undertaking for Biden. The VP’s friends in the handwriting community actually tried to dissuade the VP from taking Obama on as a student, saying “coaching someone as old as Obama is impossible, he’s too foregone and entrenched in his writing style already.” Biden began to wonder if his friends were right after the initial lessons with Obama ended disastrously.

The VP started to question whether both, he and the President, were too old and if maybe they had bitten off more than they could chew in trying to change Obama’s handwriting. Despite Biden’s extensive handwriting coach experience, he had never taught a student over the age of fourteen, and more than twenty years had passed since he last gave anyone a lesson. Read more of this post

Awesomest Obama Paintings Ever

This is just a little taste of the awesomeness that’s inside…. The painting below might be an indication that Obama wasn’t born in the US – he was born in dreamland.  Bob Ross would be jealous!  Click read more to see the rest…

Look at how magestic Unicorn Force 1 looks in the background.

Look at how magestic Unicorn Force 1 looks in the background.

Read more of this post

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.