Beck tosses innocent frog into boiling pot of water on air – for fun

Not to rain on Beck’s crazy parade, but his little ‘experiment‘ was soo 90’s, as in 1690’s – it was called the Salem Witch Trials

Yes, you just witnessed a man kill a frog by tossing it into a pot of boiling water on live TV for no apparent reason, other than to prove to his critics, once and for all, that he’s a homicidal lunatic who can’t be trusted near amphibians. Beck was simply doing what he does best, which is to formulate some ridiculous argument/opinion based solely on a myth, only this time he tossed a live frog into a pot of boiling water.

The frog, who is survived by four tadpoles, was said to be a kind soul who had a zeal for life and truly enjoyed living. Friends of the frog claim he was a progressive environmentalist and a big supporter of green jobs. At his eulogy earlier today, his teary-eyed brother said “Ribbet!! My little bro didn’t die in vein- in fact, I couldn’t imagine a better way my brother would’ve wanted to go than by (sniffling) – exposing Beck for the crazy lying killer that he is.”

Frog-gate has already spawned another Beck book.

Frog-gate has already spawned another Beck book. Can you say stocking stuffer?! "Frogs: Boil Them Alive" is scheduled to hit shelves in earlier December - just in time for Christmas!

Sources close to the family say they were especially outraged by Beck’s dismissive comment- “forget about the frog,” he said immediately after realizing he had committed murder. The frog’s family plan on filing a wrongful death suit in the hopes of raising awareness of Beck’s murderous ways. Upon hearing of the family’s plans to sue him, Beck issued what can only be described as a heartless response. The douchey FoxNews show host actually had the audacity to claim the frog was a prop. So it’s not enough to end an innocent frog’s life- no, no- he felt compelled to add insult to injury by dismissing the frog as fake.

For argument’s sake, let’s assume for a moment that the frog was in fact a prop. Why would Beck rest his whole premise on showing viewers how they have to “jump out of the pot” in response to Obama’s policies- only to use a prop frog he knows can’t jump out of the pot. Does he secretly want viewers to stay in the pot of boiling water and die like the frog? I don’t get it. Read more of this post

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WTF! – Missing killer dolphins surface to fight Pirates?

Admiral Pafin of the Navy's Dolphin fleet

Admiral Pafin of the Navy's Dolphin fleet

Its 2005, New Orleans has just been hit by Hurricane Katrina, and you’re a Navy Commander charged with the duty of telling the President that uhh…. somehow three dozen highly trained dolphins are lost …err, went rogue.  (Yes, highly trained dolphins)  Absorb the absurdity that is now floating around in your head and imagine the awkwardness of having to brief the President on this.  Fortunately, President Bush was in office and he’ll believe just about anything…

Navy Guy:  “No, well you see…Mr. President, 36 killer dolphins abandoned their posts and escaped from the Gulf of Mexico.”

Bush:  “GODAMN!! SH*T!!!  Wait a second,  did Rummy or Condey put you up to this?”

FACT #1  – Dolphins have long been trained by the military

You call that a salute soldier?

You call that a salute soldier?

Ok back to reality, military animals have long been used by militaries all over the world.  The U.S. and Russian militaries have generally used them to find lost divers or to locate underwater mines.  Military dolphins are currently deployed all around the world, and have been used in many conflicts including the Vietnam and the First Gulf War.  Recently the use of military dolphins has expanded to include attack-and-kill missions.

The US Navy admits it has trained dolphins for “light-offensive” warfare; which I interpret to mean dolphins were trained to swim into enemy waters with with signs/flags strapped to their dorsal fin containing anti-enemy propaganda and/or ethic slurs.  During Vietnam “warrior porpoises” were the centerpiece of the “Swimmer Nullification Program”, which protected strategic Vietnamese harbors against infiltration by enemy frogmen.  After detecting an enemy, they were trained to pull off his face mask and flippers, tear the air-supply tubes, and finally “capture him for interrogation.”  I don’t know if that qualifies as “heavy-offensive” but it sounds awesome.  I contacted the Navy but they declined my request for an explanation, but they did not confirm nor deny the use of dolphins in “heavy-offensive” warfare.

FACT #2  – Dolphins kill for fun, and have killed humans before

Armed Navy dolphin on patrol

Dolphins are the only known animals other than humans that kill other species for pleasure or sport.  Scientists have unsuccessfully tried to find out why dolphins kill for fun but have narrowed it to two possible explinations- they kill to impress female dolphins, or they kill because they think its freaking hilarious.

In Vietnam, killer dolphins were actually responsible for the deaths of 40 Vietcong divers. As one former dolphin trainer for the CIA put it, they were taught to kill, initially with knives attached to their flippers and snouts.  Later many dolphins were

R.I.P. killer dolphin

R.I.P. killer dolphin

equipped with large hypodermic syringes loaded with pressurized carbon dioxide; and when the needle was rammed into an enemy frogman the rapidly expanding gas would cause the victim to literally explode.  Awesome right?  No, too much friendly fire.  Apparently an alarming number of dolphins ended up exploding by ramming each other.  Read more of this post