August 10, 2009 3 Comments
I’ve had nightmares this day would come!! Unfortunately, that day has arrived. Chuck Norris is after Obama….(seriously)…. to show him his birth certificate. The birthers’ dream of throwing the President out of office has now become a scary reality, if not an inevitability. The birthers, if didn’t know, are a fringe group of crazies who insist that Obama show them his birth certificate on a daily basis, even though the birth certificate is readily available online. These nutjobs pretend like they’ve never seen it before, despite the countless copies he and his staff hand out like fliers at town hall meetings, and the tons more they’ve thrown out of cars traveling in the President’s motorcade. They inexplicably forget the surprise birthday party Obama threw for Birther leader Orly Taitz just two weeks ago in which the President, not only “made it rain” by dumping over 20,000 birth certificate copies on unsuspecting party patrons, but he also went as far as printing the invitations on copies of his certificate too. It’s like the movie Groundhog Day with these backwoods people.
They’ve been seen as a group of looneys, that is until today. You see, Chuck Norris sent Obama a letter (written on newborn baby flesh) in which he demands that the President show him his birth certificate.
Great!! Now these whackjobs have legitimate muscle behind them, just what we needed- WMDs ending up in the wrong hands. Norris and the birthers create an unstoppable redneck-tarded Voltron-like force, the likes of which this country has never seen before. When asked about the letter, Chuck responded by saying, “I’m going to see Obama’s name on some certificate by this Friday one way or another….if not his birth certificate then I’ll personally deliver his death certificate.” Obama had recently started to treat the birther’s daily requests as a joke and posted these “authentic” birth certificates on the White House website:
Enlisting the help of Chuck Norris can only be seen as a decisive victory for the birthers, because when Chuck speaks – everyone listens…. to themselves die. Birthers’ believe that Obama’s birth is a theory, much like Chuck Norris’ birth, except Chuck’s is known as the Big Bang. The government has not tried to hide its fear of Norris, as evident by the fact that he has never paid any taxes- even state sales tax. Instead, Chuck sends them his 1040ez forms blank – with only a stapled picture of himself crouched in attack-mode. Want another sign that Obama’s days are numbered in the white house? Chuck is not only a racist, he invented it….after Mr. T beat him in Tic Tac Toe once. However, this wouldn’t be the first time Norris ends the life of a President… back in 1963 he was responsible for killing President Kennedy. Many people think JFK was assassinated, however excerpts from the Zapruder film clearly show that just as Oswald fired his rifle, Chuck deflected all three bullets with his beard. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement. Read more of this post