Obama declares Biden Motorcade a threat to national security

Obama: VP’s accidents have saved or created 29 jobs in the medical and auto-body repair industry

Why does Biden's motorcade have a deep seated hatred of pedestrians?

Biden's motorcade en-route to a fund raiser in Albuquerque.

NEW YORK CITY, NY  –  Earlier today, President Obama finally responded to the public outcry of concerned citizens everywhere by officially declaring that VP Biden’s motorcade poses a threat to national security. So does any other vehicle, motorcycle, or Rascal Scooter even remotely associated with Biden. President Obama stated that all of Biden’s upcoming engagements for the next eight days have been canceled or rescheduled, and that the VP will be prohibited from using any official motorcades until further notice.

The media was expecting an official statement from Biden himself on the rumors, but he was noticeably absent from the impromptu press conference. But, Obama reassured Americans that, “the carnage Biden’s motorcade has left in its wake is very unfortunate. And I want to take this opportunity to make it very clear that the United States government is not in the business of injuring or killing its citizens by having Biden’s motorcade crash into them and their cars.” The President then added, “I always try to look at the brighter side of things, and according to initial figures, it looks like 29 jobs were saved or created because of Biden’s accidents. We are projecting that when its all said and done with, Biden’s accidents will have saved or created a total of 104 jobs. Granted, most of those jobs will be in the medical and auto-body repair industries, but they are jobs nonetheless.”

Biden's chauffeur doesn't believe in stopping for pedestrians.

The President’s declaration follows news that for the fourth time in eight days, vehicles associated with Biden have been involved in an injury-causing accident. One of the more publicized of Biden’s crashes occured on Tuesday evening. when an unmarked police car helping to escort the VP to a taping of The Daily Show in Manhattan, collided with a delivery cab.

That came on the heels of Biden-caused accident #2 in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where the VP was in town as the keynote speaker at a $1000/plate fundraiser dinner for local politicians. In that accident, a sheriff’s vehicle traveling in Biden’s motorcade collided with another vehicle. Luckily, this accident caused the least amount of damage as only one police officer was injured.

A visibly upset Biden signals that a pedestrian escaped unharmed.

Unfortunately, the first accident of Biden’s reign of terror was a much more serious accident. It happened near D.C., in nearby Maryland, where a pedestrian was actually struck and killed by not one, but two, Secret Service-driven vehicles from Biden’s fleet. The fact that the deceased was a life-long registered republican was “purely coincidental” said White House officials.

The two injury-causing accidents that followed gave Biden a trifecta of accidents for the week. Pundits, and car accident experts across the country who doubted he could pull off a four-peat were shocked to hear that a Biden-associated vehicle was involved in yet another accident. The four accidents attributed to the Vice President all happened over the span of nine days.

Biden reacts to news of the fourth accident.

Information on the fourth accident is just now being released and apparently, it involved two cars driven by private citizens in Orlando, Florida. While the vehicles were not directly part of Biden’s official motorcade, as Biden was in D.C. at the time, one of the vehicles did have a Obama/Biden ’08 license plate. Investigators say its too early in the investigation to comment on the rumor that the accident was the product of a Biden motorcade copycat driver, but evidence to the contrary has yet to emerge.

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5 Responses to Obama declares Biden Motorcade a threat to national security

  1. Ummmm.... says:

    Can you please provide your source regarding the fourth accident?!?! Unless, you don’t have a source and are completely MAKING THIS UP!!!

    • Gill_Ohio says:

      @Ummmm….. This has to be completely made up, notice how he didn’t cite the fourth accident but all the other accidents have sources.

  2. Hillarious! I guess the former poster does not get your blog, lol. I have noticed people have a decreased ability to understand satire and humor because the right wing wackos have said so many crazy things reality escapes them.

  3. Not Too Safe says:

    Hilarious! However, coincidently, a driver cut me off this morning on my way to work and the car had a Biden 08 bumper sticker. I think this is becoming a more serious problem nationwide. I’m off to remove my “Palin for President 2012” sticker.

  4. Frankenstuff says:

    Does the 29 jobs saved/created figure include the guy who died? Probably not, so in reality- the accidents only saved/created 28 jobs!!

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