Rush to buy NFL team, fulfill dream of ‘owning a bunch of black guys’

Rush Limbaugh’s plans to rename team ‘St. Louis Monkeys’ comes under fire from NFL for being overtly racist

What Edward Jones Dome Scoreboard will probably look like if Rush Limbaugh purchases St. Louis Rams. His hatred of SJax borders on insanity, especially considering he's the Rams best player.

ST. LOUIS, MO  –  Radio host Rush Limbaugh has never liked the idea of African American NFL quarterbacks, but until now he’s only been able to make racist comments about the topic. However, it might only be a matter of time before he can actually do something about it. Rush is rumored to be part of an ownership group that is hoping to buy an NFL team, and fortunately for Donovan McNabb- it’s the St. Louis Rams.

Sources close to Rush say that owning all or part of an NFL team would fulfill his dream of “following in my great, great grand-daddy Scooter’s footsteps.” Rush’s great, great grand-father Scoot Limbaugh was a wealthy cotton grower and slave owner. Scoot’s wife Anne, who he reportedly married at the tender age of twelve, died giving birth to Scoot’s only son, Rush’s great grand-father – Haste Limbaugh.

Scoot Limbaugh, wife Anne, unknown girl sans eyes, and slave housekeeper Pearl Shay.

Rush has not made his love of slavery a secret and has been quoted as saying: “I mean, let’s face it, we didn’t have slavery in this country for over 100 years because it was a bad thing. Quite the opposite: slavery built the South… I’m just saying it had its merits.” Rush has also made numerous racist comments on the predominance of African American players in the NFL including saying: “[it] all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons.”

It should come as little surprise that the NFL Players Union has publicly opposed Rush’s plans to buy the Rams. Which prompted Limbaugh to issue this reply: “Who cares if the players don’t like the idea. Because guess who owns all of the teams? Rich white guys- That’s who! And guess who happens to be a rich white guy? Me! So there you have it.” 

Obama’s speech to students results in many children now claiming: “Communism is the best!!”

Right wing’s irrational fears of Obama turning their kids into socialists realized

Professor Obama at work teaching his class the fundamentals.

WASHINGTON D.C., –  President Obama planned on giving the nation’s students a little pep talk on their first day of school today.  However, news of the speech riled the feathers of many right wing pundits who viewed the speech as an effort by the President to indoctrinate the nation’s students into socialism. Some parents saw Obama’s speech as such a threat that they kept their children home today, and others requested their children be excluded from viewing the President’s speech. The outrage and protest amongst these parents was not enough to derail the speech, which went off without a hitch as the majority of the nation’s students viewed the President’s address.

Evidence of the speech's impact could be found in this fourth grade class picture, which clearly shows the students have embraced communism.

The President’s speech focused on creating a responsibility amongst students for their own education, and did not contain anything in the way of proclaiming socialist or communist ideals. Despite the speech’s complete lack of political agenda, the immediate impact of the speech was nothing short of shocking, as now an overwhelming number of the nation’s students are  self-proclaimed communists.

The results of the speech could be found in speaking with area school children immediately after the airing of the President’s speech. One area second grader, Timmy Goldstein exalted, “from each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needs.” Another area first grader Stacy Davidson stated, ” we the proletariat, will be victorious in overthrowing the bourgeoisie.” Comments like these have become commonplace in schools throughout the nation. One area school even reported that a kindergarten class turned to violent protest over their right to use only red colored crayons for a coloring assignment in which they were asked to color an ocean scene. 

Glenn Beck’s crappy new sponsors

On a July 28 Fox News Show Glenn Beck called President Obama a racist who has a “deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture,” then as if remembering the President was born to a white mother contradicted…err, rescinded his comment seconds later.  The damage was done as ColorofChange.org quickly started calling for a boycott of his show, and apparently sponsors listened.  A large number of Beck’s sponsors have subsequently dropped him, which Beck has not taken lightly as supposedly he has been spending much of his off camera time alone crying in dark, musty stairwells.  How bad is he hurting?  Yesterday evil retailing giant Wal-Mart and seven other companies pulled their ads from his show.  Among the other 20 companies that have bailed on the blinkered Beck are:  GMAC Financial Services, Best Buy, CVS, Travelocity, Geico, ConAgra, RadioShack, Men’s Wearhouse, State Farm, Sargento Cheese and Procter & Gamble.

Hundreds of Beck fans have voiced support for him on a counter-protest Web site, which urges consumers to boycott the advertisers who pulled out of Beck’s show.  Judging from Monday night’s broadcast, their efforts seemed to work as there were plenty of new sponsors eager to fill the ad slots, including the following notable companies:

Fucking Asshole Towing Co.

Ashwipe Chimney Sweepers, Inc.

Big Dick’s Halfway Inn

Bunghole Liquors, Inc.